


inner thoughts

by Rouhn



Series: Colifer one shots by Rouhn [1]
Category: Colifer, Colin O'Donoghue - Fandom, Jennifer Morrison - Fandom, Once Upon a Time RPF
Genre: Career, Gen, JMO, friends - Freeform, gala - Freeform, migraines, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:12:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10049927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rouhn/pseuds/Rouhn
Summary: Another gala - another night out / inner thoughts of JMO -> what happens when she meets a blue eyed friend?!





	

**Author's Note:**

> another Colifer fiction - I came up with it when I saw some pictures of JMO where she was smiling but it never reached her eyes 
> 
> For me Jennifer Morrison is a stunning actress. She is such a beautiful woman, successful and talented. She deserves happiness in every part of her life and I hope she is happy and contented.
> 
> enjoy reading and if you like it please leave a kudo and/or a comment

She looked into the mirror, her driver was waiting outside but there was nothing what couldn't wait another minute. She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

_As always. Okay just as always in the last half year. But why? Yeah sure she knew why, but..._

She sighed. She had to go. She knew she had to go.

_When did you smile the last time? Really smile? When you are with Ava or when you are working for Sun Dogs or on set of OUAT or when you..._

She sighed again.

_Stop it and go. That's an important gala. Okay it's always an important something and always the same procedure. Stepping out on the red carpet, smiling, waving at the fans, posing, more smiling, more waving, maybe doing interviews or giving autographs, getting something to eat, listening to whatever anyone is telling, pretending to enjoy the evening, chitchatting with people hardly known and than everything is over again._

She shook her head.

_What's wrong with you?_

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath in and out, opened the eyes again. One last check.

_Let's do this, focus, it's your job, your life!_

She left the house, got into the limo.

 

* * *

 

 

When she arrived at the gala 25minutes later she was overwhelmed by the photographers and the other celebrities. She thought she could get used to it but she never really did. She wasn't even sure there would be someone she really knew this evening, but it didn't matter. She only wanted it to be done. She smiled, she posed, she waved and all of a sudden her face relaxed when she saw something or more specific someone.

_Thank god._

She tried to make her way through the other celebrities. Finally she reached her goal.

"Hey!"

He turned and smiled his biggest smile. "Jennifer!" He hugged her and started posing with her.

"I didn't know you are here today", she started the conversation.

"Me neither", he replied before waving into another camera.

"Next time we really should go together", she said enthusiastically and tightened her grip.

"Well...", he blushed but didn't say anything else.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's just..." They suddenly got interrupted by a petite blonde woman. She shyly looked around, clearly not used to all the attention and cameras.

"Helen!", Jennifer said surprised and let go of her husband.

"Hey!" Helen smiled at Jennifer, she seemed to be happy seeing her.

 _Smile Jen, smile._ Jennifer hugged her and glanced at Colin. She didn't know what she could say.

"I think I should go. I think I'm needed over there." _Liar_. Colin looked at her frowning but he didn't say anything. Before anyone was able to say something, someone called out Helen and Colins name. So they turned and posed for the waiting photographers. _Stupid. You are so stupid._ Jennifer stumped to the other side of the carpet, bringing several people between her and them. _Awkward_.

She shook her head, tried to focus but she failed miserable. Her head was spinning, the noises were rushing in her ears, the flashlights turning into a massive bright ball of light. She knew what was going on, but she tried to push through it. She could handle it. She had to handle it. _Focus. Focus._ She heard her name, turning in the direction of the shouting, always smiling. She wanted to go, to hide, to go somewhere darker.

"Jen, are you coming inside with us?" Colin's voice brought her back. She tried to focus harder and within a minute his frame got clear in front of her. She nodded.

"Yeah I think I'm done out here."

"Are you alright? You look a bit pale." Helen seemed to be worried but for Jennifer her voice sounded like someone was scratching on a chalkboard. She blinked several times but she couldn't focus her. All of a sudden she felt a strong hand on her smaller back.

"I'll guide you", he whispered. Colin didn't say anything else. _He mustn't. Jennifer knew exactly that he understood what was going on. Like on set he was there for her. He took care without pushing or overacting. He was just there. He gave her a little massage. He held her for a while. He managed that nobody bothered her. Always. Without asking. Without consideration._

When they found a darker place Jennifer felt much better. "Thank you." She said and he nodded slightly. "You don't need to...", Jennifer went on and Colin understood.

"Helen, maybe we should have a look where we are seated." Jennifer sighed in relief when both of them were out of sight. She stayed in the dark corner a bit longer, than walked inside the main hall. There were many tables, each one for eight people.

A young man in a uniform escorted her to an empty table. She looked around and found Helen and Colin on the other side of the room. She sighed. _Great_.

 

* * *

 

 

Within some minutes her table was full. She didn't know anyone. And she wasn't interested at all. The man to her left smiled and tried to start a conversation, but Jennifer showed no interest.

After a long speech and a quiet dinner, everyone started to chat again. Jennifer excused herself and went to the restroom. On her way she saw Helen and Colin, smiling, flirting, kissing, talking with the other people on their table. She felt a pang in her heart.

 _What?_ She tried to look away, but suddenly her and Colin's eyes met. She could see his questioning look but she tried to ignore it. She even hurried to make her way through the room.

_Why did she have to be at the table so far away of the entrance and the rest room? Dammit._

There were several women waiting outside the restroom. She sighed. _It was always the same. Men went in and out within a minute and the ladies had to wait what felt forever._

"Jen, do you have a minute?" _Really? That evening can't get worse_. She turned and faced Colin. She sighed looking back at the women in front of her. "Uhm...maybe we can find a spot with more privacy?", he asked. _Well, it **can** get worse._

"Sure." She stepped out of the line. Together they looked for a quieter and lonelier place. "So, what's up, Colin?"

"That's the big question, love." She tilted her head.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, I can see something is bothering you, so?" _That can't be happening. As much as she liked him and his way of being kind and supportive, that was wether the time nor the place to have a conversation like that._

"Everything is fine, Colin."

"Is that so?", he turned slightly. He smiled but not because he was happy or relieved. "You know that you are lying?" _Wow. Okay, that was mean_.

"Why do you even bother?", she suddenly snapped at him. _And that was rude. He just wanted to be nice. He is your friend. Oh shut up_. Colin frowned. His eyes pierced her.

"I was just worried. Something is definitely not okay and I don't mean your migrane attack."

"So?"

"Okay, look, when you don't want to talk about it, that's fine by me. I just thought you might need a friend."

"A friend, right", she snapped again. _Gosh, did I say that out loud? Dammit._ He looked at her hurt and offended. "I'm sorry, Colin, I didn't...", Jennifer murmured, her eyes dropped on the floor. _Well done, hurt the only person which really cares about you. Okay not the only but...stop it and focus. Dammit girl, what's wrong with you?_

"You didn't what?" _What?_

"What?" She searched his eyes immediately.

"You did not finish your sentence." Jennifer was irritated. She sighed in resignation.

"You know what, Colin? I'm so sick and tired of this whole farce." Now he looked at her surprised. "I can't stand it anymore. I don't want it anymore, I think", her voice was low but she nearly whispered the last two words.

"So what do you want?" _What? What's up with him? Why did he had to start this conversation? Here? Now?_

"I..." he raised an eyebrow, still waiting. "I should go. It's late and I think it's the best I head home." _Coward_. _She couldn't do this conversation. Not here in the public, not with him and not at all._ She turned but she didn't walk away. Here eyes welled with tears. _No. Please. Not here. Not now. Surly not._

"Talk to me and don't run." She slowly turned.

"Why, Colin? Why did you start this conversation?"

"You seemed to be so distant, present but just half-hearted, hurt or I don't know. I don't know what's going on and I'm worried."

"But it's non of your business, Colin." A single tear rolled over her cheek. _Great. Thank you. Thank you so much for ruining my evening._ She got mad.

"You are my friend, Jennifer. Of course I'm concerned."

"Don't be. Go back inside. Enjoy your evening and let go."

"Why are you that cold?" _Woah_. Now Jennifer lost her temper. She stepped closer.

"You wanna know?", she hissed, "I'm so sick of this shit. Always being on my own, always being the fifth wheel. I can choose between an evening home all alone or an event I do not even care about. I cannot bring anyone to this events either. I'm 37 and all I have is success and my career." Tears trickled down her cheeks. She was so mad, so angry, so hurt. "Everyone around me is in a healthy relationship, everyone has somebody to go home with, sleep with, just be with. I love my job, I love my life, but I miss that. I..." her voice broke and Colin suddenly stepped closer and hugged her.

 _No_. She shook her head and stepped back. "Don't." He hugged her again. She instantly fought the need of letting go, of relaxing in his arms, forgetting everything around them. "No, Colin. Stop it."

He looked at her, overwhelmed, irritated and surprised. Unable to say something. _Well done, Jen. Now he is clearly offended. Why don't you push him over the edge? Tell him._ She closed her eyes, getting even madder at herself. She didn't want to hurt him, but he started it and she really couldn't stand his support right now. She turned again. She needed to go, to bring some distance between them. _Why must he be here tonight?_

"Jennifer." His voice was shaky, it seemed he didn't exactly know what to say. She turned again. _Big mistake._ All her inner voices screamed now.

"No, Colin, I can't. I'm so sick of this. Just leave me alone."

"But why? It doesn't make sense." He looked confused, concerned, hurt.

She stepped closer and suddenly pressed her lips on his. She caught him by surprise. He didn't respond, he didn't do anything. The next moment she broke the kiss again, turned and ran. _Fuck! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> here are some pics which "inspired" me to write this story:
> 
>  
> 
> o) http://www.presspassla.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/jennifer-morrison-e1469492140751.jpg
> 
> o) http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Jennifer+Morrison+vBsBCx5PYL1m.jpg
> 
> o) http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Playboy+E+Bates+Motel+Comic+Con+Party+Arrivals+O6QfjENtckux.jpg


End file.
